Friendly reminder that Artemis Fowl:
• once “sold” the pyramids to a western businessman
• once thought that the only thing he needed to be a cartoon villain was an eye patch
• has sent half a dozen of his psychiatrists back to their own institutions, some in straightjackets
• has crawled inside a tube full of radioactive orange jelly
• has crawled inside a pipe full of century-old sewer muck
• has crawled inside many places with undefined and presumably disagreeable content
• has climbed and balanced on pylons
• has cut off a single finger from two different people, and only one was by accident
• has been decomposed to his subatomic particles
• doesn’t like lollipops
• makes a point of saying so
• has been attacked by magic-enhanced and rather intolerant crickets
• has been sprayed with troll pheromones
• messed with the time continuum to recover a species of lemur for whose extinction he was responsible
• likes David Bowie
• once had a little misunderstanding with a gorilla
• once had a little misunderstanding with a giant squid
• once had a little misunderstanding with an entire civilization of magical creatures
• was the nut
• has admitted that he had not forseen himself building friendships
• was more concerned that his mother had bought him jeans than the fact that he was stranded in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean when these escalations came into light
• wears Armani underpants; owns at least one red pair
• screams things like “Sell the Phonetix shares!” when recovering consciousness
• was dumped during a Nobel Prize ceremony
• once met Gaudí and granted him suggestion in the construction of the Casa Milá
• has “yee-hawed” from the back of a quagga (see above)
• once composed a haiku about a wobbly rear-end
• robbed the International Bank at Munich at the age of fourteen
• has lost, gained, switched and shared more than one part of his body
friendly reminder this posts exists
8:50 am • 2 September 2014 • 600 notes
for those not in the know, night witches were russian lady bombers who bombed the shit out of german lines in WW2. Thing is though, they had the oldest, noisiest, crappest planes in the entire world. The engines used to conk out halfway through their missions, so they had to climb out on the wings mid flight to restart the props. the planes were also so noisy that to stop germans from hearing them combing and starting up their anti aircraft guns, they’d climb up to a certain height, coast down to german positions, drop their bombs, restart their engines in midair, and get the fuck out of dodge.
their leader flew over 200 missions and was never captured.
how the fuck is this not taught in every single history class ever
girl pilots (◕‿◕✿)
girl pilots killing nazis ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* \(◕ヮ◕✿)/ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
8:47 am • 2 September 2014 • 410,422 notes
Say hello to mechanically separated chicken. It’s what all fast-food chicken is made from—things like chicken nuggets and patties. Also, the processed frozen chicken in the stores is made from it.
Basically, the entire chicken is smashed and pressed through a sieve—bones, eyes, guts, and all. it comes out looking like this.
There’s more: because it’s crawling with bacteria, it will be washed with ammonia, soaked in it, actually. Then, because it tastes gross, it will be reflavored artificially. Then, because it is weirdly pink, it will be dyed with artificial color.
But, hey, at least it tastes good, right?
High five, America!
oh my god
bitch that’s the tubby custard machine
OMFG THIS POST FINALLY MADE IT TO MY DASHBOARD IM CRYING
"bitch that’s the tubby custard machine"
10,000 years from now on the dawn of a new civilization where we are all just brains in jars flying spaceships through the vast unknowable void, i will still be laughing my ass off at “bitch that’s the tubby custard machine”. this i vow.
6:45 pm • 23 August 2014 • 729,299 notes
My thighs are huge cuz they’re full of secrets
Wrap them around my ears and let me hear them all
Smooth as fuck
6:44 pm • 23 August 2014 • 309,781 notes
do u ever just cum and it ain’t great and ur like “ok that one was super lame”
6:39 pm • 23 August 2014 • 190,878 notes
Norwegian forest cats are the best.
They look like little snow lions.
MORE REASONS WHY NORWEGIAN FOREST CATS ARE THE BEST:
The colloquial term for them is “skogkatten”.
They’re also called “fairy cats” in Norway, because they’re so pretty.
They run down trees headfirst.
They’re fricking gigantic and they purr really loud.
They literally walk over snow like motherloving Legolas.
In Norse mythology, skogkatts pull the goddess Freya’s carriage.
Who doesn’t want a carriage pulled by cats?
Viking cats. End of story.
Oh what a terrible thing it appears that I haven’t reblogged these glorious beasts this year yet
We have come to pronounce judgment upon those who do not respect the will of the Catmoot.
I need a whole basket of these magical Norse cats :D
if you can’t get one of these
get a maine coon
i have a maine coon.
he is beautiful
MAINE COONS AND NORWEGIAN FOREST CATS ARE CUTE.
(Source: attack-on-precal, via blondeisawesome)
1:42 pm • 20 August 2014 • 378,815 notes
trying to bang with ur boo while ur parent in the other room
4:35 pm • 19 August 2014 • 200,205 notes
yo imma let you finish but
I had one of the best puberty transformations of all time
yes okay but
girls can do it too
Step back, peeps, and fasten your seat-belts. Time to bring in a puberty professional.
…. wait. That’s not right. Hold on.
Let’s fast-forward about five more years.
Ah, yes, there we go. Right after I sold my soul to Satan.
Naw son you can’t be hot in two genders you fucking cheated
this is my favorite post because its just people bragging about how hot they are
4:32 pm • 19 August 2014 • 860,209 notes